Thursday, March 26

Nutrition: Ate a giant supper in an effort to speed recovery from whatever is going on. As soon as I finished, I realized that it would fuck up tonight's sleep. Why am I so dumb?
  • 545a-eggs, breakfast sausage, Slawsa, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 8-Larabar
  • 10-SB&CB toast, coffee w/ CM
  • (12p-dustin session)
  • 115-carnitas, yam, LB
  • 4-LB
  • 730-raw veg w/ guac, carnitas w/ guac, dinner roll

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 915p-530a, 93% quality. That's total fucking bullshit; 43% is about right. In late because Lexi (the good dog!) was an asshole who I had to yell scream at several times to get her ass back inside, no idea what she was doing, but (what I wanted to be) a 5-minute outing took her 20. Then? I woke at 230a and also 315a says the sleep app, but I was mostly awake that whole time, hot & sweaty, tossing & turning, oh so tired, and I kept dreaming/thinking about work crap for some reason. Dogs tried waking me at 4:15, but I told those jerks to go back to sleep (with a lot of swears) and they did. And then I dreamed that they followed me some redonk far distance across the state, and Lexi had been hit by a car and one back leg was useless bloody meat and THEN at 530a I woke naturally, but painfully, angrily, with my brain in a state of total clusterfuck. An awful way to start to the day. What the fuck, yo?

Healthy Movement: Left toe and left core already feel better. Entire backside is tight though. I don't have any Saturday-morning running buddies to line up, I can't squeeze it in tomorrow morning, and I won't have energy left by either evening, so I'm probably not running this entire weekend. Feels like the body will appreciate it. In session, everything felt harder than it should have. I even CHOSE to dial back my deadlifts, gold star for me. No bonus pulls the rest of the day, just take some recovery time since I seem to need it, although I have no idea why.

Fun & Play: Slow-moving morning to make up for the rotten sleep. Caribou visit. Brief BK break time. Session. NSS all day afterward, including a meeting at which an important announcement was made that was VERY well-received, and it made me so happy. So happy!

Stress Management: I was so angry this morning. When I don't sleep well, I hate everyone, I just have zero fucking patience. Zero. Fuck the world and everyone in it. So I took a deep breath and shared the walk-to-run group as a #tbt. Thinking of that group always fills my heart to overflowing, because we changed lives. And we will do it again soon, and change even more lives. It worked, and I stopped being such a crank. But I was very damn thrilled to ditch TS and get onto my worky weekend o' fun.

Wednesday, March 25

  • 445a-eggs, breakfast sausage, Slawsa, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 930-hot cereal w/ Renola
  • 1230-carnitas, yam, Larabar
  • 5-Larabar
  • (515-7m trails)
  • 7-salad, SB&J dinner roll

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 9p-430a, 80% quality. Woke when hubs came to bed at 930p - from solid sleep, UGH - and then woke at 3a thinking it was probably time to get up, and was DELIGHTED to see I had time for another sleep cycle. That Hanky didn't allow. Jerk of a dog!

Healthy Movement: Body feels good, even good during class warm-up. Logged 20 pulls over small sets of 3-4, just try some low EASY pulls for a while, see if that helps or hurts. Run with Heidi wasn't easy, had to walk hills & we weren't quick (too much talking to be quick!), but it was fun. No blistering tonight, but did gain an angry left toe tendon, and left core was tight in the eve. Did the PT stretch for it.

Fun & Play: Class. BK break. FB silliness. Run with Heidi: chatty and fun and bald eagles and deer and deep gulps of nature. Bliss. Silent house.

Temperance: Had an amazing thought this morning, comparing myself to another (leaner) woman: I wonder if she wishes she were as strong as me, or if she's grateful to be thinner than me. And I wonder if she has any clue whatsoever how INCREDIBLE it feels to be this strong? Because I wouldn't trade my strength for her leaner body, no way no how. Strength has saved me, made me a new person, a better & happier person and I won't go back to the skinny battle. I am not at war with my body.

Yesterday Dustin & I talked about racing and I said I'm still not interested, but not necessarily against anything, either. Just going to see what happens. That led into a bit of a discussion about how what I'm doing seems to be working; I'm PR-ing regularly, injury-free, etc. But I clearly know: even if I weren't doing better, even if I were performing exactly the same, my BRAIN STATE is so much improved that I'd still be doing better overall. This is where I intend to remain.

Tuesday, March 24

  • 5a-eggs, breakfast sausage, Slawsa, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 815-Larabar
  • 1015-apple, half LB
  • 1145-half LB
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-carnitas, yam
  • 530-LB
  • 630-salad, carnitas, toast, SB&J dinner roll 

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 930p-445a, 75% quality. In too late like a dummy. Woke at 3a, h/s/g, struggled to fall back, and was interrupted at 415a. Bah.

Healthy Movement: Glute/ham sore from the run, entire backside sore from the deadlifts. Ugh. Improved with movement, but not as much as I'd like. Session went really well, other than pulls again. Gravity, you can kiss my ass! Frustrated by these going backward.

Fun & Play: Early-morning hubs time. Crew planning for Zumbro. (Damn, is BK ever lucky to have me, I'm amazingly helpful!) Session. Productivity. Chat with CR, Timmy. Class. Time to read.

Stress Management: Meeting with my lead in which I said nothing. I have decided to say nothing until all my details are wrapped up, which has not yet happened. I know they WILL, but I shouldn't get ahead of myself.

Monday, March 23

Nutrition: Getting some acne outbreaks. Gotta be sugar intake, which is not AT ALL high compared to, oh, 99.9% of the US population, but is apparently too high for me. Frustrating.
  • 5a-eggs, breakfast sausage, Slawsa, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 830-Larabar, coffee w/ CM
  • 1045-apple
  • 1230p-carnitas, yam, LB
  • 330-hot cereal w/ Renola
  • (530-7m trails)
  • 715-salad, SB&J toast

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 845p-445a, 83% quality. Woke at 230a h/s/g thanks to the entire can of coconut milk consumed too close to bedtime, but fell back easily enough.

Healthy Movement: Slight tightness in back, sore glutes, nothing major. Left middle finger is angry from the chin-up thing yesterday, but not concerning. Went LCSP-ing with BK & DQ, a little fast for my taste, but the legs actually felt pretty fantastic up until mile 5 or so, when the deadlifts finally caught up to me. That was basically the pace of all my fall laps (total time 1:05, last fall consistently 1:04), so this could be a summer of getting speedier! Sore & tight lower body pretty quickly afterward, though. Everything tightened up, and left glute/ham insertion was firing angry words.

Fun & Play: FB silliness. Class. Chitchat with MB while delivering a treat to BB. Lunch w/ BK. Productive afternoon, conquered a problem left since July 8. Woods with friends. Hubs time.

Temperance: The internal voice is preaching the fear of change. Ignoring her. This is easier when facing mini-crisis after mini-crisis that we (as a company) caused ourselves.

Sunday, March 22

  • 6a-fried egg sandwich w/ cheeze & mustard, coffee w/ CM
  • 815-Larabar
  • (830-lifting)
  • 1030-SB&CB&J French toast
  • 1-apple w/ SB
  • 615-carnitas, yam
  • 715-half-assed coconut ice cream

Sleep: 8.25 (!) hours in bed, 930p-545a, 70% quality. Nope, more like 95%, it was awesome. Woke naturally & got up feeling very refreshed. Enjoyed the hell out of a nap after the workout, snuggling kittehs make great napping partners.

Healthy Movement: Body feels quite good. Left knee is now okay with stairs, first time since my fall last Saturday. Yay! Logged an all the lifts workout that felt good & solid. Even got the hubs to do some deadlifts! Did enough bonus pulls to hit 100, but they didn't feel great today, and I'll probably regret them, starting with: angered left middle finger while doing some SA chin work (SA strength is not there after 90, that's weird).

Fun & Play: Sabrina's keys to winning on Sundays:  

Saturday, March 21

Nutrition: Ate my supper salad in front of the TV: literally vegging!
  • 415a-fried egg sandwich w/ cheeze & mustard, yam, coffee w/ coconut milk
  • (6-5.5m run)
  • 730-Larabar
  • 945-Renola, bootch
  • 1215p-carnitas, yam, apple chips, fruit leather
  • 230-SB toast
  • 5-apple w/ SB
  • 8-salad w/ avocado & tomato dressing

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 9p-4a, 81% quality. Slept solidly, woke easily. What? How?

Healthy Movement: Run w/ BK felt fantastically easy. Calves were not tight, glutes & hams were fine, lungs were totally capable. YAY!! Tiny dose of left-core ache after the run, but then, I sat with poor posture in a big squishy chair at Caribou, for an hour, immediately afterward. Stood all day at tax firm, was better.

Fun & Play: Running & coffee & chitchat w/ BK. Tax firm, with only two more weekends after today! Really lovely chat with a taxy coworker. Hubs time and snuggly pet time and some stupid mindless movie time. Shared with hubs the redonk He-Man music video, and he was appropriately amused. 

Stress Management: Tax prep for a friend ate up a HUGE chunk of my hours today, though. Gah, hard to balance the desire for a long taxy day against the late start due to run (which I need) and the pals (which I appreciate, and which pay better). Will be easier next year when I have more days to squeeze in the extra hours.

Friday, March 20

  • 5a-fried egg sandwich w/ cheeze & mustard, coffee w/ CM
  • 715-Renola
  • 915-Larabar
  • 1215p-eggs, ham, potatoes, coffee (Trav's!)
  • 3-LB
  • 430-LB
  • 6-Cobb salad (Doolittles!)

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 845p-445a, 94% quality. Solid. Woken by dogs, but was already kinda dozing.

Healthy Movement: Some all-over stiffness from deadlifts, upper back nicely tight, sore glutes. Bit of anger in left shoulder, more like kip pain than the weird thing last weekend. Tried to hang from the bar in class, felt rotten. Left it. Sat all afternoon at NSS.

Fun & Play: Pretty stars. Sweet message in response to inviting a usual class attendee to my unusual Friday class (below). Lovely coworker chat. Lovely lunch with Mary. Fun afternoon at NSS: chitchat with Dustin, emails with BB, super productive (finally got to some things two months overdue), and even finished at an early enough hour to join miss Holea on a supper date. Two dates, to my favorite places, in one day?! Luckiest evah.


Stress Management: So worried about hurting my people here. Mustn't dwell too much or I may never do it. I know that I need to do it for me, but I'm not good at selfish. Must focus on those I will be helping, the beloveds who will greatly benefit from this change - including me.