Thursday, February 26

  • 5-eggs, Brussels sprouts, sausage, Slawsa, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 730-LB
  • 10-LB
  • 1145-coconut butter
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-tuna w/ mustard & rice crackers, Renola
  • 3-jerky
  • 545-jerky, rice crackers
  • 7-raw veg w/ guac, apple w/ SB, Natural Calm

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 945p-5a, 87% quality. Solid but not enough. My heart rate, normally 65-70, has clocked in at 80 for three straight days. Concerning?

Healthy Movement: Aching in the deep left glute again, from yesterday's run. Got better throughout the day, nothing left by session time. Had a kickass day where deadlifts were easy & light. Happy deadlift day, my friend!

Fun & Play: Coworkers. LT meeting. Session. Class. Meathead kicking ass. Hubs time.

Stress Management: Today's workday was longer than yesterday's, but much better. Because I was doing what felt like worthwhile work. I had a crapton of entries to make, and today was my last day to make them, and so I buckled down and worked until 630p. And I didn't mind. That's telling me that much of my frustration with work is attending unnecessary meetings, doing busywork, and also the being overwhelmed, still a problem. Next month has potential to suck worse than Cuntbruary did...I hope my brain can stay up, that will be the key.

Temperance: Yesterday & today I rehearsed a rather combative encounter with the nurse who would go over my health assessment with me today. I was ready to argue that I don't need a follow-up visit solely due to my high cholesterol because EVERY OTHER HEALTH FACTOR is fucking glorious, and goddammit, I'm healthier than anyone else in this fucking company. Then it hit me, wait...I actually probably am. Strongest chick: not quite, we have miss AP taking that mantle, unless we're talking upper body, I may win that round. But my endurance will kick her ass, for sure. Which makes me more well-rounded and...whoa. That was a pretty amazing realization. It's high time I stop letting my first 30 years define me. (Luckily, today's nurse was super reasonable and gave me a gold star. I get a follow-up lab check in 6 months, but she was so reasonable, and so happy to have someone healthy to just congratulate. It was lovely!)

BK was totally lying to me by omission. I am now certain that I was right about my suspicions nearly two weeks ago, and we've hung out four freaking hours since then, between breaks & lunches & runs, and he's said nothing to me. Oh, he's dropped some obvious hints that he clearly expected me to pick up (I did) and ask questions (I won't; I refuse; if you have something to tell me, you tell me, like a damn adult). And now the evidence of his news is showing up on Facebook (without clearly stating it, but it's beyond obvious). And here I sit, supposedly a bestie, but I'm (theoretically) finding out alongside every other random FB acquaintance. So yeah, that feels great. I am angry & hurt & disappointed. I am SO tempted to text him to demand an apology & an explanation, but I want to see him in person, so he can't get off easily via text. Which means Monday morning. That's 3.5 more days! Argh!!

Wednesday, February 25

  • 515-eggs, sausage, Slawsa, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 930-LB, coffee w/ CM
  • 1130-jerky, coconut butter
  • 1230-tuna w/ mustard on rice crackers, apple w/ CB, LB
  • 315-KSB
  • (5-7.1m trails)
  • 7-eggs, Slawsa, squash, toast, bootch, Natural Calm

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 76% quality. Felt pretty solid, but alarm buzzed me awake.

Healthy Movement: Body is tight all over, including a bit in low back. Squat soreness big time after standing a long time in the morning, but sitting in a couple meetings helped. Still: feeling very BLEAH again/already. Afternoon was worse, and I nearly didn't want to go run. But I couldn't be happier that I did. HH & I had a thoroughly enjoyable slog, full of chitchat and laughter, and I left feeling like me again.

Fun & Play: Class. Hubs chitchat. Lunch with BK. Work productivity. HH time that was the best, the most, the everything. I fucking love that woman. More hubs time in the eve. He has been 100% wonderful lately.

Stress Management: Hated what I did at work today, as the bulk of my hours felt like mindless, pointless, mid-level management bullshit busywork. Made me so frustrated, because there is so much MORE IMPORTANT SHIT I should be doing. Like work I keep discovering undone, related to a job I shouldn't be doing, but am stuck doing because we have two open positions, one of which should still be occupied and I want to SMASH. THINGS. By 3pm it felt like 7pm, or perhaps like I'd already been there for a lifetime. I am burned the fuck out.

Temperance: 99% sure BK is lying to me, or at least, purposely not telling me very big news. This feels like shit. He is in my tip-top tier of beloveds, and I keep no secrets from him - he is, in fact, in on more of my life than most folks in that tier. So for him to still withhold something that I figured out almost 2 weeks ago? Hurts. A lot.

I know he's not telling me because he thinks I'll lecture him for it. Which feels shittier, because I absolutely will not. I'm very disappointed that the foolish boy doesn't know me half as well as I know him, if I'm right about all of this. Hurts even more.

Tuesday, February 24

Nutrition: Getting some acne. From Trav's? From pizza? From mixed nuts? From Kind Strong bars? GAH. I actually feel like I've had some weird digestion for the past few days, and generally these go together. Everything digestive SEEMS to be functioning normally, but I feel rather bloated & just...bleahgross. I shall eat more good stuff, less of the outer-limit stuff, and hopefully things return to my normal.
  • 5a-eggs, Slawsa, sausage, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 10-banana toddler pack w/ Renola & CM
  • 1145-fruit leather
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-ribs, pineapple
  • 230-banana
  • 530-KS bar
  • 7-raw veg & pork rinds w/ guac, apple w/ SB, bootch

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 79% quality. Felt quite solid until 430a. Couldn't quite fall back then, though I had time to.

Healthy Movement: Still feeling the deadlifts, sore muscles from mid-back through hams; fine with it as long as it doesn't affect my session. But it totally did, and I wasn't even expecting it. What the damn hell? Only logged a single set of SA chin work in class, and called it a deload day for pulls. Because my gut instinct was to FORCE THEM, I did the opposite; I've learned that forcing my body to do anything is generally a very bad idea, even though it hurts the brain to be "lazy."

Fun & Play: Hubs chitchat - in the morning! Silly pets. BK chitchat. FB silliness with trail-runner peeps. Happy coworkers. Fun class working on technique, with some kickass squats by AS. Hubs time in eve. He had cute baby animal videos queued up for me since I had told him I would be working late after a shitty afternoon full of meetings. Baby animals! Goats!! Whatta guy.

Monday, February 23

  • 445a-eggs, squash, sausage, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 745-Larabar, coffee w/ CM
  • 930-Heaven in a bowl, coffee
  • 1230-ribs, squash, pineapple, Kind Strong bar
  • 330-LB
  • (630-5.78m run)
  • 8-sausage, toast, apple w/ SB

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 830p-415a, 88% quality. Took a while to fall asleep (guess I didn't need to be in so early), but slept soundly and woke naturally. 

Healthy Movement: Quite a bit of all-over tightness from the lifting, but zero pain points! Wouldn't have run in the stoopid wind gusts on my own, so: yay BK! Definitely felt the hamstrings working & whining, and was not a chatty pace, but I managed to impress myself with the time, so: yay BK!

Fun & Play: Break time with BK, including AS chitchat. Good team morale & serious productivity. Fantastic time helping AS with his 1RM on bench (210#!!) followed by the LAE planning meeting that consisted of three of my beastly besties: perfection. Solid run with BK. Hubs chitchat.

Stress Management: Still haven't made up for my missed day at the tax firm on the 7th (for the NSS party) and had been considering working on Sunday. But since that means 13 straight looong days of work that includes another month-end close, I decided against it. Instead, I'm burning up Friday PTO to work at the tax firm, and will then work at NSS on Sunday. I'll still have 13 straight days of work, but my Sunday will still have time for lifting (with the hubs!) & chores, which will help keep my sanity. And I think it's pretty obvious that I need all the help I can get.

Sunday, February 22

  • 530a-two egg & Slawsa sandwiches, coffee w/ lotta CM
  • 9-SB&J toast
  • (915-basement lifting)
  • 10-Larabar
  • 1215p-eggs, ham, potatoes, coffee (Trav's!)
  • 430-banana, mixed nuts
  • 615-raw veg w/ guac

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 1015p-515a, 82% quality. Sound, but woke too damned early. Luckily, it's Sunday, FINALLY, which meant nap time, 2-430p. Delicious.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling fine. Had the energy to do All The Lifts and it felt excellent just to be feeling that good again. Managed to work the pause benching all the way up to 110x5, spotter-less, and felt like a goddamn champion. I also put up this reminder, directly in sight while squatting or deadlifting, that my basement work is not meant to max out anything, but purely to build a bigger container. I like it.

Fun & Play: Bill-paying in the early AM. Kickass workout. Trav's with the hubs. Chores all done, with bonus help from the hubs. Nap time. BK chitchat. FB silliness. Time with my precious 4-legged beasties.

Saturday, February 21

Nutrition: As much as I eat, how am I still hungry every two hours??

  • 515-eggs, sausage, slawsa, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 615-SB&J toast
  • 830-LB, bootch
  • 11-raw veg w/ guac, banana, LB
  • 215p-jerky, Kind Strong bar
  • 415-Renola
  • 715-raw veg w/ guac, toast, wings, LB

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 930p-5a, 78% quality. Mostly solid. 

Healthy Movement: Feeling a little bit fatigued yet, and some right low-back tightness returned even though I'm doing much better mentally. Happy to enjoy a rest day. Still, many hours standing at the tax firm.

Fun & Play: Hubs time. Taxy peeps, including Dan's assurance I can always come work there. Chitchat with SR, BK. Pandora tunes!

Delicious gift coffee from SR, a special roastmaster's blend; when NSS takes me on, I'll supplement the pay cut with barista-ing, an important step toward my latest goal of becoming a complete & total coffee snob.

Friday, February 20

Nutrition: Ugh, I wanted to eat my fists off again this morning, what the hell? Could've been some stressy anger-eating. Hit big lunch & supper meals to stave off any more crashing. Thinking I may want to add more breakfast calories, add a yam or bacon or something.
  • 515a-fried egg sandwich w/ Slawsa, breakfast sausage, coffee w/ CM
  • 8-Larabar, coffee w/ CM
  • 9-coffee w/ CM
  • 1030-LB
  • 1145-LB
  • (1245p-6m run)
  • 2-jerky, banana, apple, LB
  • 4-Kind Strong bar
  • 630-Daiya pizza, Arctic Zero, bootch

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 87% quality. Felt a little worse, like I was mostly awake 4a onward, and then sad to see it was 5a rather than 2a.

Healthy Movement: Still feeling fatigued, but a little better than yesterday. Lunch run with the boys went pretty damned good; legs held up just fine and I appreciated flat roads offering actual traction.

Fun & Play: Coworker chitchat. BB chitchat. Bunch of work progress. Running with some besties, (although I was less than chatty, too busy breathing). Great work done at NSS but again wishing I had more time there to help with new stuff and change up some frustrating work-arounds.

Stress Management: The brain dump totally did what it was supposed to do: cleared the junk out to be shelved. Water has been put down. Zero solutions devised, zero problems solved, zero change in the situation, but the brain is calm. EXCELLENT.

Now, about this job stress.